"10 things to do before the ground becomes a permanent sponge."
The Intel:The ultimate "set and forget" move. Stick them in now.
"Plant them now so you can feel smugly superior to everyone else in September. They grow while you sleep. Maximum reward, minimum effort."
The Intel:Lack of Vitamin D and motivation.
"It's not 'depressing,' it's 'moody.' Buy a bright yellow raincoat so the neighbours can find your body if you trip in the shrubbery. Get outside anyway."
The Intel:Knowing when the soil is "perfect" vs. "a swamp."
"If you step on the grass and it makes a 'squelch' sound, retreat to the shed. If it's just damp, it's the Soft Soil Window. Pull weeds now; they've lost their grip."
The Intel:A nursery with a soul (and actual knowledge).
"Go here to spend your mortgage. It's got art, it's got compost, and the staff don't look at you like a criminal when you ask if a cactus can survive a dark bathroom."
The Intel:Buying 4 new plants when you haven't planted the last 3.
"You went for a washer and came back with a $40 fern. We've all been there. Stop staring at it and just put it in the ground. Or don't. I'm a Yucca, I don't care."
The Intel:The high-church of Melbourne organic gardening.
"Take the bike path. Buy some seedlings that actually want to live. Feel like a better person for 15 minutes. It's better than therapy."
The Intel:Peering over the fences of the fancy folks.
"Check their calendar and visit a real garden. It's the best way to realize that everyone is just making it up as they go along. Plus, there's usually tea and cake. Total win."
The Intel:Yellow leaves and general "poor me" vibes.
"Give it some citrus food and a stern talking to. It's not dying, it's just being a diva because the temperature dropped 2 degrees. Suck it up, Lemon."
The Intel:The other garden you buy flowers for.
"Go look at the perennials. Realize that even with a team of professional botanists, things still wilt. Take the bus, they're electric these days. You've just done a solid for the planet."
The Intel:Your digital back-fence.
"Scan the QR code. Join the 30 legends currently in the Arena. Let's kill some plants and tell some stories together. You're not alone in the dirt."